Sometimes you don't realize you inspire us all...

How many people in your life do you meet and honestly think this person makes me want to be a better human being... I have talked about my friend Stillar... But now I am going to share his courageous story and ask for your help....

Jason was this cool kid... Always friendly, always funny and devastatingly handsome. (He can pay the $5 bucks later for the last comment) I personally can't remember not knowing him. Small town Ontario.  Practical joker, friend, stand up guy. Now, this beautiful creature took a liking to him, and it all makes sense now but at the time it probably didn't, kidding. His future bride Stacey... Sweet, charming, positive.... And much the same as Jason, I can not remember not knowing her either... Once again small town Ontario. The two got married began their life, and their beautiful boy Hunter came along. Two year later devastating news, Stacey was diagnosed with cancer. There wasn't anything Jason wouldn't do to try and make his wife better. Their positive attitude and love for one anothergot them   through these tough times. Sadly, Stacey lost her battle on my birthday in December. Jason and Hunter's life changes dramatically.

With Stacey's memorial fund, Jason came up with the idea to build a splash pad in Lions Park in the
 town of Sundridge, our home town. He has worked tirelessly to get this accomplished, town counsel approval, silent auctions, fundraising, canvassing, etc. Doing all of this while working full time job, looking after his home, and raising an equally devastatingly handsome young boy...


So here is my super huge favor! If your reading this, clearly your are on my facebook. If you notice there are a bunch of posting that say Splash for Stacey-Kraft celebration tour 2013. Please go there and like the page :) This could be a huge cash flow into such a wonderfully thought out project...

And Jason, we have been friends for a long time, gone down some rough roads and supported each other through out... You, my friend have me in complete awe.... Stacey would be so touched by everything you have done and continue to do... Xxoo

New Challenges...

This taking on my job, I have come to realize I have always been a goal settler... One of goals I had attempted to continue with was running... Last spring, I made an effort to run every week day and honestly I felt great doing it! With the events of last year, illnesses and deaths, I lost my way... So my work has added some physically challenges to fundraising... Patrick Brown and I, as well as several others, are doing the scotia bank marathon in October, I am going to be a member of the Pirates of Epilepseas for Dragon boat and I will participating in Fighters for Fighting, through Results 360... Guess who had to start training... May 1st is the cut off, and this girl will be attending morning boot camp Monday-Thursday at 6 am every morning.. My friends Tiny and Gary are going to whip me into shape and teach me how to fight! Who would have thought this 360lb girl from downtown Sundridge would have ever made it this far? Inspiration goes such a long way, what will you do with yours today?

When is too soon...

Over the past year I have heard everyone's opinion about how life should proceed... I ask this, who are we go give these opinions? Really... I can remember early in my marriage having a discussion with my husband about death and if after death... My responses were simple, if I go first cremate me and put my urn in the dining room so he and his new 22 year old wife can have dinner with me every night , and then when he goes bury me with you. The biggest thing, was please move on and live. His message was the same. Don't wallow and sit around and wait for me to come back because I am not.. The only stipulation we both had was move forward and be happy. I think that when tragedy happens people have a preconceived notion about how to move on and time frame. There is no right or wrong when it comes to moving on. Did I love him, yes... Do I miss him, yes... Is he coming back, no... Is there room in my heart for someone else, yes... No one should judge anyone else, they don't know what your going through because they haven't walked a mile in your shoes..

What better gift... She is now an angel...

Being from small town Ontario, we all know everyone. The rich kids, the poor ones, the ones who are your friend regardless of you situation. I can remember going to school when I was a child and dropping my brother off to kindergarten class to his teacher and remembering my first real experience with some one having a baby belly... "Wow, Mrs. Sullivan... I think he is going to be a hockey player..." I said, to the friendly woman... "What ever he or she will be, will be..." Her friendly smile, which sometimes seemed hard to get in the morning around our school, always made me feel better. He wasn't a he thou, She was born, Miss Stacey... Now, Mrs. Sullivan always had a way to make you feel welcome and special, and this was something she passed on to both of her girls. I didn't know Susan as well, but Stacey always had a place for you in her life. Even as a girl, she was your non judgemental friend. She always could find the good in every one! My goodness, she married Jason! KIDDING! I have known the Stillar family for my entire life, and Jason and I have always had a tight bond... The kind of friend you won't see for a year, and then you just seem to pick up where life leaves off... When I was facing my own chaos in my life, both of these two people opened themselves up to me and my children, what ever I needed, they offered to be there. I did call Stacey and bend her ear... She listened, gave me some kind words to get me through my dark time... And she listened again... Or she facebooked me, "haven't heard from you for a bit... Hope things are well..." Stacey had been battling Cancer for almost two years, and she always put everyone else before herself. She always had an upbeat attitude, I asked her one time how she did it... She replied "I am going to be as strong as I can for as long as I can..." Having heard the news Friday that she passed away, I know no one fought harder to stay on this earth longer to be here for Jason and Hunter... I am also blessed to know, that her fight ended on my birthday... I feel bad celebrating your gone, but knowing my special day has something to do with your suffering ending makes me feel more at peace with you leaving... I am going to miss your chats, messages, and smile... I am also not going to take one thing for granted, as that is what 2012 has taught me... Jason and Hunter, my door, phone, email, kitchen is always open to you and I hope now your beautiful angel is resting in peace... Also, I am so proud of the brave fight she put up, but the brave fight you and Hunter put up too... Love the people that treat you right, and direct your energy there...

I am saddened my friend is gone, but glad she is no longer fighting that vile disease.... xxoo

we called him daddy...

His life was full, and far too short. He overcame so many things and thought he was so far away. He was the first to give you the shirt off his back and always the last one to the table. You can look back on his short 37 years and think of all good times, and remember his smile. He struggled with health issues from child hood. Jeff had poorly feet, he use to tell me about all his casts and crutches, and how someone bullied him for his walkman, and how with his cast and crutches on he didn't let any bully take anything, I am sure he lumped that guy. He wouldn't let anyone else be bullied either. When we talked to Tanner about bullying, Jeff shared a story about how kids bullied his best friend Jeff for being different, and they tripped little Jeff, and Jeff lumped them. One of many trips to the principals office. When Jeff and I first started dating, his birthday came around quickly. Chinese food dinner and always a story about how he would go ice fishing as a kid with Brian, Helen and Jenny and their friends, Helen would always ask Jeff "want to go ice fishing?" And jeff would always laugh and say no. Not his favorite thing. When we were married there were stories told about a skate throwing incident. Apparently Jeff threw a skate a Jenny many moons ago. It wasn't until last year, Jeff would ever admit he did that.
Jeff loved video games. I think through out his life he had every system going, and I can honestly say, he kept every single box. When we moved to our house, he had his original nintendo cart, the thing held games and your tv, and it was broke in the move and he was devestated. Just when you think no one could love video games more, along comes Tanner.
Jeff loved his children. Tanner and Addison were the loves of his life, and he was theirs. On a Saturday morning, if Jeff slept in, they would cringe if I walked down the stairs first. Because if it was Daddy, they knew they could talk him into junk for breakfast and video games. He was always playing hockey with them, road, ice, and hallway hockey... Last goal wins... How many times I heard that in his life I can't tell you, but it was said everytime they played. They are sure going to miss their daddy.
Jeff did the best impressions of his dad. And he always wanted to please his parents. He loved them dearly. How many times he would call them, and just call to see what was going on. Not many days went by that he didn't know what was going on in their household. When I was pregnant with Tanner, Jeff's parents built a deck on their house, after many years of not having one. Jeff went out and helped his dad and uncle Donnie. It was July and hot, Donnie and Brian would have no shirt on, and there Jeff would be sweatting buckets. Wouldn't take his shirt off, so driving home I asked why don't you take your shirt off, he said, dad doesn't know I have a tattoo. So, a couple of years later, Jeff had back surgery, and as they moved him into his hospital bed, it was kind of hard not to see his tattoo. We left the hospital to get dinner, and beside the restaurant was a tattoo shop, and jeff's dad just looked at us and said Jeff can get the other arm done there... Jeff laughed when we told him the story.
When you think of Jeff, remember his infectious smile, his harty laugh, his good heart. Think of his children, and how he will live on through them. As hard as it is to say good bye, we will. But we know its not a real good bye, its only see you later. As Tanner and Addison grow up, I hope everyone shares positive memories of Jeff with them, they need those memories because a big whole will be in their hearts, as there is a big hole in all of our hearts.

glenn with two n's

Ever had a friend you knew your entire life? I have a few. When I was a kid, I would go to Magnetawan with my nan and pop to visit my cousins, but I always played with my friend Glenn. Now Glenn wasn't very tall, but he was larger then life! All of the bad things I learned, he taught me! Haha! He taught me to spit all over my best dress! He showed me how to refill my parent liquor cabinet with water after drinking their booze. He also, in his funny way, taught me that being yourself is good. I hadn't seen him in about 4 years when I ran into him. He was with his little daughter, what a beauty. We talked and laughed and it was like old times, only Phinney lost his potty mouth. Once he went home, we chatted nearly everyday online. How I enjoyed waking up to his late night rants about prostituting seniors and hams at the IGA. And then as if a rug had been pulled out from under me, he was gone. Died two years ago at 38. I have to admit I think of him all the time. Today would have been his 40th birthday, and I hope you, Glenn with 2 n's, have a harem of women, a bottle of whiskey, and a smokin fast car. Although you could be crude, you were one of the most caring men I ever met! I never did send u the bill for my dress, and at midnight after a few vodkas, I will hide the bottle under my bed, just as you taught me, because I have made it a tradition since you have been gone. Miss you terribly, signed your not so ugly or fat friend... Xxoo!

guess I just never realized...

What a wonderful weekend! Wow! For so long I never realized what it is like to be someone's priority, let alone the top of their priority list! Now, some of you think I am just trying to brag, and most of you who know me, know I am truly not.

My older sister asked me when I would come for a visit, my dad had been asking, my baby sister too. So we decided this was the weekend. I also thought what better a weekend for Dean to be inducted into the family. Also, its my birthday Tuesday, so it felt like a weekend away! I had been super stressed about Dean meeting my dad. Anyone who knows my dad, knows he is the sweetest guy and you have to take him with a grain of salt. I had prepared him for the worst, and prayed for the best. I, for lack of better terms, am a redneck. Meet my dad once you will know. Well, they got along great! He met everyone and they all liked him. But what's not to like? Why was I nervous about it? Sometimes we put pressure on ourselves for no reason, and when we do that, we put pressure on others too.

I honestly can say, this was the best birthday weekend I have ever had. Dean went out of his way to go away, meet my family, and make sure I enjoyed myself. That is unconditional love... Now if I can just get over the anxiety of getting older.