Tuesday, September 27, 2011


What a crazy week so far! Aside from the rain that is suppose to happen, I think this week is shaping up to be a good one! Worked a double shift on Sunday, and had Monday and Tuesday off, go back and work 3 and have a weekend off to go up north and visit family and friends! Looking forward to a photo shoot with my favorite doll! So I should be posting some new before and after pictures right after Thanksgiving!

Over the weekend, I recieved a message from a family member, not a positive message is all I will say. I have said this several times that I am not willing to discuss my marriage or seperation any longer. I have not a bit of anamosity towards Jeff, I wish him well. We are becoming good friends and looking for a new path to raise our children. But something that I took offence to, was the fact that I was called a wanna be member of my dad's family. So, lets put this out there. I didn't know that my father wasn't my biological father until I was 26. My family thought it was best that I didn't know. I have done a lot of work to put that past me. I have chosen not to know who my biological father is for several different reasons. Biggest is, I have two super great dads! My dad and my step dad. The other is because it doesn't define who I am in life. I am not a wanna be member of anyones family. I accept people for who they are. I have also worked very hard to lose my judgemental componet when it comes to people. When I say I made a lifestyle change a year ago, I mean a holistic life style change. I want to be a better person, mind, body and soul. It was a big step for me. It is sometimes easier to stay in that dark place and never move forward. But I choose not to. Life is too short! So for that person that said that, that is your opinon, I can't change it and nor do I want to. What I can do thou is move forward and move past. I love my dad, and if that makes me a redneck hillbilly, so be it. You get one kick at the can in this life and I am going to take it. I am going to be more accepting, more tolerant, more loving... Happy Tuesday all!

Monday, September 19, 2011

As things some times happen...

I have had the day from hell it seems! I remember when I was a kid my Pop use to say, when things happen as the sometimes will, when life's road takes you down a really big hill... Now this is a PG rated blog so I won't finish the statement. But sometimes it feels as positive as I try to be things keep happening. I take two steps forward and seven back! Now, maybe its because it is dreary and rainy outside, but it just seems to be the way! I never ever thought I was superstitious, but I guess I am! My phone broke today, so had to take it for repairs. That isn't so bad, but then I realized all of my contacts are still in it, so I can't get a hold of anyone! I went to pick up some meat for dinner and realized Hovey's (my favorite butcher) is closed. And then I went to work, and my mom called me because she is sick with the flu. So after speaking with my boss, I punched out and headed home. What a waste. Already for work, drove all the way there, only not to work. Which is too bad, because I love my job! So since all of these things have happened today, I have tried to see the positive side of all of it. The positive side is, I am spending the evening with my wonderful children! That is if I can pry those WII remotes out of their hands! Enjoy your evening everyone!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

It was a long hiatus...

Good morning all! It has been a long time since I have blogged and so much has happened in the past eight weeks! Well I just want to start out by saying, I can't believe how many people read my blog! I guess I just didn't realize how many people are routing me on! For that, I just want to say THANK YOU! I took a short break from my blog, because there were some negative things going on my life. I didn't want to write negative blogs for little eyes to see or for me to reread at a later time. Sometimes it is bad enough to have the negative memories, but to write them down and reread them is just a constant reminder. My life focus is positive, and I want it to remain that way, especially when it comes to my children.

So since my last real blog, I am down more weight! I am now in the 190's, 194 to be exact! So 44 pounds to go and I will be at my final goal! How crazy is that! It seems to have went by so fast. I have also taking up a new activity, speedwalking/jogging. I am up to about 6 km. I try to do it as much as possible! I didn't realize how much I enjoy it. When I was younger, I use to walk every evening when I lived in Sundridge. I had a specific route. I walked every evening, listened to music and cleared my head. Walking is one of secret pleasures I guess. It is something I do alone, I get lost in the music I downloaded to my blackberry and just have some me time. I have always been so dedicated to my family and work life, I kind of forgot all about myself. Even something so small as a walk gives me that little bit of me time that I need. We all need a little bit of me time! I have also went back to work! What a transition! I didn't realize how much I relied on my organization skills! I also would like to take the time right now to thank my MOTHER! She has made my life so much easier right now! I work afternoon shift, and I am unsure how long it will take to get to a day shift. My mom takes care of my kids in the evenings, this helps me because I know they are having a great dinner, and they are sleeping in their own beds. With out my mother, they would have had to go to daycare or I would have had to quit my job, so for that I am truly thankful! It has been a crazy transition back to work. I have been off for a while, so it is crazy having to report to work everyday, since I have been able to live the life of Riley for a while! The pay wasn't up to snuff, but the time with my children was amazing! Something money could never buy!

It seems hard to believe that all the changes in my life began a year ago September 1st. My entire lifestyle and life changed. A year ago, I weighed 347 pounds, found myself in such a rut emotionally and physically! I had to make changes not only for my family but for me. Once I started making those changes life started to get better! Some of the craziest feelings about my weight loss has happened more recently thou. One of them was buying clothes. I am having a hard time grasping that I can shop anywhere now. I have only ever been able to shop through the Sears catalogue, which I haven't been able to do in years, or Penningtons. So I needed to purchase a cocktail dress so I can attend a wedding with a friend. I had no idea where to even go to buy a dress. I have to say I felt a lot of anxiety about looking at these dresses. I didn't know what size I was really, and sometimes it hard not to still see yourself as that larger person. So looking at these smaller dresses I think, these are my problem spots, or this will never cover everything, then I try them on and I find myself standing there in disbelief! I also have been able to purchase my first pair of name brand jeans! And that was a something big for me. Size 14! So then I do laundry and I fold up my clothes and I find myself wondering "who's clothes are those?". It seems so funny to fold such small clothes. My clothes have always been large. So sometimes it is hard to do laundry or to see my clothes in the closet. I did keep my ketchup tshirt and I wear it running. Most of my bigger clothes are gone, but I kept a couple of things to remind me.

I took my kids to the Sundridge fair this weekend. My old stomping grounds! I go every year. It was crazy seeing people I haven't really seen in a year! But what was crazier were the amount of people that didn't recognize me! My own Aunts and Uncles didn't know who I was! How funny is that! I ran into people that I hadn't seen in years. It is funny how when you run into these people you miss your old life! I love living in Barrie, but yesterday, I missed living in Sundridge! I missed the small town life! Even catching up with girls from school, I realized how much I missed my friends from there! I have decided that I need to make a more of an effort to reconnect with my past life to make my real life balanced! I wanted to go to the cemetery and visit my grandparents, but I honestly couldn't do it. It was hard enough driving by the house. My grandmother's death is something that still rattles me to this day. Still have nightmares about it. Sometimes I think that is why I avoid going up north. My son said yesterday how much he would love to live in Sundridge. In thinking about it, if I could get a job, where I would make the same money, it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility. He said he liked that you didn't have to look over shoulder to walk around, or that you didn't need to walk around with a cell phone because you know everyone. Not that I am seriously considering a move, but isn't funny how my little man can pick up on the lifestyle difference!

I am not going to promise to blog everyday, but I won't be taking another long hiatus if I don't have to! Thanks to everyone who made wonderful comments and have been an encouragement in my life! You have no idea what you have done, but its been all good!