Monday, January 31, 2011

What we have hear is a failure to communicate...

Why do some people think they are so much better then everyone else? Snapping fingers, bullying people, manipulating EVERYONE! I was told today that this person is a narcissist. COMPLETELY! Funny, this is the first person that wants you to feel sorry for them when things don't go exactly their way. This is the person who has to be the centre of attention anytime there is a gathering. What is even funnier, is this person seems to think the world revolves around them! It is so beyond frustrating! Why can't these type of people get that they may contribute to the world, but themselves and their needs are not the only things in the world? I have always attempted to try and see things from this person's eyes, but it can happen no longer. Each time I let it happen, I lose myself....

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Diary of the shrinking fat chick-Chapter 6...Switch to soft solid foods!

Well, it is Tuesday, so my weigh in day! I am down to 281. Yahhhooo Me! I have started the switch to soft solid foods. So when I started to make the change, I went hole hog, and thought, I can eat what I like.  So Sunday night, we went to Jeff's parents for dinner. They ordered Chinese food. So I ordered a low fat, rice noodle side dish, and they ordered a dinner for 6. I decided with my noodle dinner, I perhaps would try a Chicken ball. First thing is I have learned my lesson! Second, did it ever hurt!!! I thought something was trying to collapse my chest from the inside out! I did end up throwing up, and was able to go back and eat after a short break. But I definitely won't be doing that again! I should have known better, it was FRIED! I thought, well a small piece won't hurt. Well guess what, it did!!! I know my new lifestyle choice is demanding, and that is what I signed up for! I know that it will be trial and error for a little while and I am OK with that. As long as I learn from the mistakes I make!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Reap what you sow...

When I was a kid I always heard these things that seemed wrong, but as I age most of those things are true. My Nan, always wanted us to be respectable people, and felt she would try and teach us these simple things. Some she applied in her own life, some seemed better in theory. One thing she always wanted was for us to get an education. She always felt like she didn't because of her choice to marry the love of her life at 16. She wanted us to be nice to others, and she wanted us to stand up for ourselves. Now these are some simple rules to live by. In raising my children, I am trying to add to this. One thing I am trying to teach them is positive brings positive, and negative brings negative. I am also trying to get my strong willed husband to see this as well.  It has been a bit of a daunting task, but well, it has been working. When I wake up every morning, even the mornings the kids are screaming their heads off or are fighting, I am thankful for the day that is set out before me. I try to put a positive swing to start the day, so the day isn't doomed from the beginning. Even if there are things that are going wrong through out the day, I again try to see the positive. My husband had now started putting this theory to the test, and guess what, things through out his day seem improved!
I heard this when I was 16. When you are stuck in a mud hole and it is raining, your stuck. But if your stuck in a mud hole and there is a stick your could get out. You reap what you sow...Sow negative attitude, you get negative response, sow a positive attitude, the options are endless!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Diary of the shrinking fat chick-Chapter 5

Why do we torture ourselves? Why do we set goals that are unattainable or unreachable. I know that personally, being on the diet roller coaster in the past, I have always said "I want to lose 50lbs." I have come to realize that it took so long to get to that goal, that I just gave up.  So I decided, for me to be successful with this surgery and life style change, that I need to start small. I know that statistically, people lose a lot of weight with having this surgery and change their life. But there is also quite a few stories of people gaining weight back and not being able to keep it off. So for me, I am not setting a definite goal.  What I am doing is encouraging myself, 10lbs at a time. If I can do that, I can keep my eye on the prize, instead of being discouraged!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

What is with some people!

I realize from time to time, I can be opinionated. But, I don't want our opinions to be the same because you feel I am strong arming you.  Everyone has different opinion, and let's face it, if we didn't the world would be a boring place. Today, I saw a friend for what she was. At first I was hurt, I can't even pretend, I was a lot hurt.  She had been avoiding me for months, but then to be bi raided by her kind of ticked me off. To say we had nothing in common, there had to be a lot of acting then on her part. I invited this so called friend to a bbq I had last year, and she made no effort to speak to anyone, and then the next day called me to say what a crappy party it was, and that she would have had a better time at the party she was at. There were other things that had happened, but the truth is, she really wasn't a friend.  Sometimes in life we mix up our real friends for fillers. Now everyone starts as a filler, in my opinion, but after awhile you decide if this person is a stayer. I have a lot of stayers in my life. All of which I am thank ful for. Truth is, I am really not as hurt as I thought I was.  Time to dust myself off, and appreciate my stayers!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Diary of the shriking fat chick-Chapter 4

Wow, I try to write here everyday, but these past two weeks I haven't had much of an opportunity!  My laptop charger is not working, so I have to use the desk top in the basement, which I am avoiding, the basement not the desktop! So I have been feeling ok.  Tired thou. My husband has completely missed his calling thou! He should be a nurse or a phlebotomist! He had given me my tinzaparin injections everyday, and thank goodness that is finished! I am pretty bruised on both lower quadrants of my belly from these injections, but not his fault, they didn't hurt when he was giving them!!!  So weigh in at Surgery was 297.4 lbs.  Went to my follow up appointment and my weight today is 285.2 lbs. That is 12lbs in two weeks!  I have been really trying to stick the dietitican suggestions.  The first two weeks was a milk based diet, cream of wheat, creamed soups, yogurt, protein shakes.  I am having difficulty with the protein shakes right now.  Not exactly sure why, but maybe the heaviness of them.  I am going to buy a different flavor tomorrow and see how I make out.  Now I am on to the pureed diet.  Anyone who knows me knows, I can barely stomach the sight of a pureed diet!  Even at work, it grosses me out, so I am doing a minced food. I can better tolerate the sight of it. Just have to remember to chew.
I am horrible for taking medication.  But I have consistently remembered to take the multivitamin and previcid every day.  This week has been a busy one. Seeing the doctor this week, talking to the therapist, organizing. One thing I have also had to learn these past two weeks is to SIP! I was dying to thirst the other day and I gulped a big glass of water.  First the pain was horrible, and then it immediately came back up.  I have also had my first (and hopefully my last) experience with dumping syndrome.  I was eating some crackers, and I had one too many.  That was painful, and they didn't stay down either. 
This week I am going to take it easy and ease back into my usual routine. Next week I am going to start aqua fit again or walking.  I am learning things as I go, and I know it will be a life long process!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Please do what you say, or else I am going to snap!

Been couped up the past couple of weeks has maybe made me a little shack wacky, but I really don't like when people say something and don't follow through. Now, I know I am terrible for returning calls, I do try, but I am human and sometimes I forget. Now, again this a human error, and forgiving human error can be done quite easily. In saying that, my next statement will make you scratch your head, but don't call me and then text me and tell me your going to do something and then don't do it. I am ok with not having a visitor, or a phone call, but don't get my hopes up and then disappointment me. I have always made a practise with my children, I don't tell them unless it is going to happen. Lightens the disappointment. Maybe I am just sensitive because of my lack of socialization right now, but again, making promises you can't keep doesn't help anything either ;)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

You have to excuse me, I am not at my best...

Well, Tuesday was d-day.  Got up at 5am and headed down to the big city. I have never said these numbers before, if I said them they became real.  At my first appointment, I weighed in at 341 lbs.  Which to me was incredible and discouraging.  So when I weighed in on Tuesday morning, I am down to 297.  All high numbers. After feeling embarrassed at first in front of the nurse, my feelings changed. I felt like I had made a small accomplishment.  After really thinking about it, I made a huge accomplishment.  Jeff reminded me that I need to not make light of little steps/accomplishment, that I should be excited for them!  He is completely right. I met with my surgeon, wearing the flatter hospital gown, went into the OR to have a conversation about the death of Micheal Jackson while they were putting out with Propenal! LOL!!!  After I woke up, I can't lie, I felt like crap!  I have been sore, but every day gets better.  Came home Thursday. My family has waited on me hand and foot! I am not going to get use to it thou! It has been a positive experience.  I am not doing this to be a bikini model. I am doing this to be healthy! If I weigh 150 lbs or 300 lbs, I know who I am, and that is an accomplishment to be proud of!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The holidays are over for another year!

Well I am not sure how anyone else's holidays were, but mine were great! There were a few bumps and bruises but all and all it was an awesome week! The biggest struggle this week was lack of food! I have been preparing for surgery, and only able to have shakes and salad.  I did have a bit of Christmas dinner, I also had a few snacks through out the holidays, but I really tried to stick to my prescribed diet.  I have found it easier not to eat if I stayed out of the basement, believe it or not!  Tuesday is the big day, hope every thing goes off with out a hitch!