quiet year... ya right...

Well, tis the season! Break out the good dishes and the Visa! This year has been a bit crazy for me. I remember going out for dinner at the Mandarin in January and reading for my birth year this was going to be a quiet, relaxing year. Whoever wrote that was wrong! Now, I can look at 2011 as the year my life crumble or the year that I was reborn... I think I will choose the latter.

2011 had a lot of ups and downs, positives and negatives. But, did I learn from the negatives? YES! Did the positives outshine the negatives? YES! Would I change 2011? NO, well maybe the broken foot thing! HA! This was the year I learned to love myself, no matter what shape or size. This was the year I learned to look fear in the eye and take the next step forward. This was year that I learned that the only person in life I had to please was myself. This was year that I began teaching my children the same things. One year ago at this time, I was a shattered sole, didn't know which way was up and didn't know how to love myself. All of that has changed. I read inspiration sayings and quotes everyday, one that I carry with me is about how God answers prayers, it may not be what we want, but it is what we need. How true is that? For me it was very true. We always want a bigger house, new car, etc, in the end it is all material. I want to live happily, love my children and family, explore. Not be bogged down with the other junk...
2011, One hell of year... At first, I had wished it would just end, now it will be a year I will never be able to forget!

It's beginning to look a lot like....

Well its another crazy week ahead. Last week was crazy, this week is crazy! Welcome to the Christmas season! Yes, I did in fact say Christmas! Now, I am not trying to impose my beliefs on anyone, I am a Christmas person. If you are not, Happy Quanza, hannuakah, whatever you celebrate. I will not be saying Happy Holidays. I will be saying Merry Christmas. In return, if you celebrate a different holiday and you wish me a Happy Quanza it is all good by me. I think we celebrate what we believe. And in doing that, it shouldn't offend anyone. I love everyone equally, doesn't matter what your holiday is! I think that people need to really remember what this time of year is about, it is about loving, giving, sharing, enjoying... As my 10 year old says, Jesus is the reason for the season... And that works in our household, enjoy whatever holiday that works in yours!

courage is not for the faint at heart...

This is a blog I have wanted to write for a few weeks. A few weeks ago marked the anniversary of the death of one of the finest creatures I have ever had the opportunity to meet. The way we met was crazy. Imagine walking to a hospital at pivitol time in your life, trying to make big decisions about which path to take in life, and here is this vibrant man, in his 20's, dying of cancer, fighting for his life and knowing everything he has tried to do to survive has failed and his time is ending. Walking into his room, I say hello, and I am mistaken for his nurse, and then I sit and talk with him and realizes I am a friend of his sister and brother in law. And he asks what I am doing there, which seems so unimportant, and I can't answer because my problems seem so small. I ask how he is, and frustrated he says, "how the fuck would you feel if you were dying?". I couldn't answer. We talked about the weather and we joked about the heat. He said the upside of being in the hospital is the air conditioning is blast in his room in the heat! As I leave his room, I said can I visit tomorrow? He replied "why would you want to? But if u must, go a head." Over the next couple of weeks, I visited everyday, and the stress of my life wasn't as important as it once was. We laughed and joked, and then one afternoon he asked if everyone would forget him? I have to admit, I was emotional by this question. And I said his smile would live on forever in his neices, his stories would live forever in his friends and family, his love would live on forever in his sister and his parents, and what he had done for me, how could I ever forget him... I think some of the things we worry about in life are trivial. One of the biggest things I took away from him was live your life happily, because you never know when its going to be over. Also, his positive spirit! Last night when I went for a walk, I sat at the lakeshore on a rock and marvelled at the wonder all around me. The geese, the fresh crisp air... I am never going to let a day go past me where I don't thank my lucky stars for all of the positive blessings in my life. Bob, I will never ever forget you, our friendship was short, but educational. Sorry so long to write this...

Somethings are worth repeating...

The last few weeks have been so completely crazy, and my blog is continuing to suffer! I am trying to make a bigger effort to take the time for it! So here it goes!

I know I have said some of these things before. First thing is, this week someone asked me about my weight loss. When I told them my story, they said "Gastric bypass? Well that is like the staples button, easy..." I was super offended. Firstly, when I started this, I began eating completely different 4 months before surgery. Also, not only did I start then, I have maintained all along. Before, if I didn't eat, I didn't eat, now I have to make a commitment to eat. I work on the road all day, so it can be tough. Also, this is a tool, not a be all end all. If I don't work at my weight loss everyday, I can gain my weight back the same as anyone else. I have worked super hard this year to make these big changes in life and I am winning!!!

The second thing I want to address is self image. I know I have talked about this several times. It is sometimes so difficult to get use to seeing a smaller person in the mirror. I was out this weekend with my girlfriends and bought a new pair of jean, size 12 I may add, and I had to keep asking the lady if I needed a bigger size. I even bought a new blouse, and when I tried the large on it was to big and I was still going to buy it because of my conditioning. It is hard to forget that wise cracking bigger red head I once was thou. Sometimes I still see myself is big. It is honestly crazy. I find myself looking at pictures and thinking who is that? For me, I will get there, it is just taking time. And now when my son hugs me, he can put both arms around me and hold me tight! Deaner piggy backed me around this weekend and said I was light as a feather. Who would have ever thought you would ever hear Melanie and light as a feather in the same sentence. I am sure it will take years to adjust to my change, and I am ok with that!

Enjoy your Monday!

Keep your chin up!

Good afternoon everyone! Exciting times! A couple of girls had the surgeries, with some complications and hopefully are doing better, a few of you got dates for your surgeries! It is crazy to think a year ago at this time I was about to embark on this wonderful journey. Although there have been some struggles for you, this tool will help you progress and succeed. I have said this before, I was never able to lose weight, it didn't matter what I did. I just wasn't able to do it. I am 185lbs, which to me is remarkable! With everything in life, there is a struggle to succeed. If you turn the struggle into something positive and learn from it, it makes it all worth the while. You really realize that you are building inspiration for someone in your life who may not have had the courage to do something outside that proverbial box. Watching someone struggle is hard. Watching someone struggle and succeed is inspiring!