scarf.... I need a bathing suit!!

Well you have gotta love summer! It is bathing suit season again! This year is quite different from last year thou, but it still makes me nervous! Actually the past couple of times I have went shopping it has been intimidating. Before I would go to Penningtons for all of my clothing, underwear, jammies, shorts. But those things  getting too big. So have been looking around other stores, but too scared to try things on. Feeling a little out of my comfort zone. Even walking through the mall the other day, I passed a mirror and thought she looks good, but the she was me. I know it takes time to get use to the looks of your transformation, but sometimes makes me think, what happened to that fat girl? Where did she go! Honestly, I think that I had been able to hide out for so many years as that funny fat chick that now when I see the skinnier version, it throws me off! So hopefully today or tomorrow I will go and look for a bathing suit, it definately won't be a two piece!!! Enjoy your Sunday everyone!

Meeting in the middle...

So Cast is off!! Pins are out!!! I have to rest my foot for the next six weeks! It seriously hurts! Now that the cast is off, it stinks too. I have bathed my foot 3 times! Smell is a bit better. But the toe is so sore, trying to get use to walking normal again, so if you see walking, please no jokes! Just kidding!
This has also been a positive week in my family life. The war of the roses is over, and for my children's sake I am thankful! I never thought I would be so thankful to meet someone in the middle. This is a win for everyone, especially my children. For that I am eternally thankful. It is funny how when people find a way to communicate they find their way back to logic. In speaking with my future ex husband, I saw a side to him I hadn't seen in quite a while. I know that he saw the same. We were able to speak as friends. Being amicable and respectful, which is such a huge thing to make our family lives better. We are both moving forward in our lives, but finding a way to raise our children separately and being on the same page when it comes to raising our children in an awesome thing.
Down to 215 lbs this week as well! Maybe it was the cast! I was trying to remember the last time I weighed in the 100's? Such a good question. Maybe 12! So my next SMART goal is 15 lbs! I never thought I would weigh in the 100's and it makes me excited! Hopefully being able to start walking again will help!
Such a positive week! My goodness I am very thankful!! Now I just need to learn to deal with stubborn...I am sure it will come in time, but stubborn makes me happy!!!!

Appreciation...

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all of the compliments I keep getting! Sometimes it is difficult to hear compliments. I like to give them, just sometimes it is difficult to receive them. I am going to make it a point to not brush them off and savour them. I also want to thank everyone for all of the inspirational messages I am getting. When I began my blog, I thought it would be an avenue to pass along information, or let someone else know it is ok to have a bad day. I had no idea that I would ever inspire someone to make a change. A lot of the messages I am getting are that I have inspired them to lose 10 pounds, or I have inspired them to make a drastic change in there life. I am completely humbled and overwhelmed. For years, I always felt like I was the one in the background. Yes, I was funny, but I was to large to be in front. Your messages have inspired me, to make a change to be in front! To show my children, they can march to their own drum and they don't need to bleed into the fore ground. Once again, I thank everyone for all of their kind messages! I don't delete them either, I keep them and when I am having a bad day, or things are rough, I look back and think things are not so bad!

It has been a while!

Hello all my readers! Sorry it has been a while since I have blogged! I haven't seen my computer in a couple of weeks, and generally I would blog from my blackberry, but its in for repairs! So first things first, I weighed myself this morning, I am down to 220 lbs! Yeah Me! It does feel good! I am still trying different foods, but I am dealing with some stomach pains every now and again. I will be following up. Part of the problems I think is the pain killers I have been on for my foot. They have been constipating, hence the stomach pains. I am hoping that is all it is. 
My foot, well is another story! I am in another cast! This cast stays on until June 28th, and then we switch up to an air boot. Which I can't believe I am saying this I am excited for, because I will be able to walk a bit freer, and the weight of this cast has been hell on my knee. I am a little giddy for these pins to come out, so much in fact that I am counting down the sleeps!
There is something else I would like to address, and I have address this in previous blogs. I realize that my ex husband is writing things for all the world to see on facebook. Not so nice things that you all have been reading. I want to say there isn't any merit to what he is saying. I am not going to dignify any of what he is saying with a response. The only thing I will say that it is incredible that someone would post that for all the world, including a 10 year old impressionable boy, to read. I have come to find myself in a much better, happier place in the relationship I am in. Positive, unconditional, understanding. And not just for me, but for my children as well. My children have one father, that is how it will stay, although my partner remains a friend, a positive reinforcement and a buddy to them, and that is all I can ask for.
I am focusing on the positive in my life, and there are so many good things and blessing around all of us, don't let the negative energies stop you from enjoying life! I know I won't!

She would be 74 tomorrow...

There are a couple of days through out the year that are hard to get through. They seem to revolve around my Grandparents. Tomorrow would have been Betty B's 74th birthday. Now I am not making a birthday cake, or spending my day sobbing this year. I have made some big changes in my life. In my current situation, I have always tried to do what she would have wanted me to do to make my life better. It has taken me a long time to realize that the only thing she ever wanted for any of us, really was happiness. Life is too short. Life is what you make it. I choose to live happy and positive. I thank my kids and Chris for my happiness. My life is moving in a direction that I never would have dreamed possible a year ago. Not everything is sunshine and lemon drops, but when there are bad things going on around me, I remember all of the positive things in my life and know that what ever comes around the next corner I can handle it. I think this a huge part of my new optimistic journey... Happy Birthday Nan! Love you and miss you!

chapter 19

To start off, I just want to say I am human... I gained a 1 1/2 pounds this week. I have been going back through what I have eaten in the past week and half and just can't figure it out. But I am not discouraged. My life has been pretty stressful lately. Maybe stress makes you gain weight. I know before I would have broke out the mars bars. But I haven't been eating anything I shouldn't. Which to me shows me that I have made a big change. I do have so say how wonderful it is to be able to get into a pair of size 16 jeans. Regular size not plus sizes. That is a huge feat for me, because I have never been able to shop for clothes in regular sizes. For as long as I remember,  I have been staring down the plus sizes, wishing the regular sizes fit me. Especially when I was younger. I lived in northern Ontario, and everything came from Sear's. I always seemed to look frumpy. I am never going back to that again. I read through some of my older blogs tonight as well, and one of the blogs said I would be happy just losing 75 pounds. Wow, I am still going and feel great! I think I will dream bigger!