Merry Christmas!

I am writing Merry Christmas! I know there is a huge contraversy about Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, but why can't it be both.  If Christmas is what you believe that's what your greeting should be, if Hannukah is what you believe, Happy Hanukah would be completely appropriate, etc.  I was always taught that it was more important to be with the ones that mean the most to you this time of year. So no matter what exactly you believe can we all agree that it is nice to have one day set aside to share a special time, love, and be with those ones?  For me, Jesus is the reason for the season, but for you it may be different.  Should that anger me, NO! It makes me call you a brother/sister.  MERRY CHRISTMAS

Diary of a Shrinking Fat Chick...Chapter 2

So today was the day for my pre-op appointment at the hospital. As I walked from the parking lot I had a nervous feeling xome over me. Beginning tomorrow a life altering change was beginning. I am taking a huge step in my life. Acknowleging a problem making a change for the better. It is funny how things like this make you feel. As I walked in, I became confused in my new surroundings. So when I asked for directions to my appointment, the woman behind the glass was completely sarcastic. Did u read the signs? I simply said, I guess I didn't, but if you could help me that would be awesome! She did direct me to where I needed to be. I saw her again later and she apologized. I wished her a Merry Christmas and went for my chest x-ray. Anxiety had kicked in earlier, but after that a new confidence was coming over me. I went back to the waiting room. There were quite a few people taking on the same experience as I am. A success story from another patient made us all feel like our choices were good ones. Today was my last day of food for a bit. We will see what tomorrow may bring.

I am feeling yucky!

Does anyone else have that annoying cough that won't go away?  I know my house is plagued with it right now.  Everyone except Tanner seems to have it! I just feeling like I am dragging my ass around this house tonight.  Everything hurts!  I have been thinking how I can turn all of this into a positive! So here goes!  I get to have an extra long hot bath tonight with a nice cup of apple cider, crawl into bed and read for a bit before catching some well deserved sleep!!! How is that for turning it around! This cold isn't going to get the best of me!

Trying to let go...

So my kids are my life.  They make me crazy, I couldn't be with out them, they make me smile.  So this morning I was feeling anxiety.  My neice came to my house and said she was heading to my brother's house for a couple of days.  My son immediately said "can I go?".  What do you say. NO!! It is too far away for my liking! You can't say that! I said well call and see what they say. My brother and his girlfriend and their kids have been asking him for a long time to go. So of course the answer was yes.  I must have called my SIL (sister in law) half a dozen times to make sure it was ok. She kept reassuring me it was, and I said ok.  Even packing his bag, I thought he would say, nahhh I will stay home.  But he didn't.  He got his things together and got ready to go.  Now at this point I am almost ready to cry, not because they can't take care of him, hell, it would do him good to go, but because I almost felt like I wasn't needed.  Hate to see what happens when he goes to college!  So, away we went, for our one hour drive (which felt like 10 minutes) to my brother's house.  Tanner got out of the car and said "see you!" I told him I was coming in for a visit and get him settled.  He told me it wasn't necessary! But I did go in and visit with my other neices and my SIL.  My brother came home, chatted with him. As I got ready to leave I almost felt like tell him to get into the car, but he gave me a hug and said "I am ok Mom, there are lots of people around me and I can call you." I said "I know buddy," swallowed hard and got my things on and got into the car.  As I drove towards the highway, I cried.  When did he decide to grow up! I have to say, I am raising an amazing child, and I couldn't be more proud to say he is mine.  I know he is fine, just feels like a piece of me is missing!  Don't worry, he is coming home on Wednesday, and then I will be wishing he could go back for a few more days!!! LOVE MY KIDS MORE THEN LIFE IT SELF!!!

Motivation...Or lack there of

Anyone else having a hard time getting motivated?  It is almost Christmas, yes, the tree is up, yes there are gifts under it. But I am completely unmotivated this year.  Last year at this time, we had gifts bought, Christmas baking completed, extreme decorating all done by Dec 1st.  This year, that just isn't the case.  I think this year I am just completely unmotivated.  Christmas is a difficult time of year for me, and for a lot of other people.  This was the time of year I spent a lot of time with my grandmother.  Baking butter tarts, shopping in blizzards, cleaning the house to get ready for the huge onset of family that would be coming.  I think when families have issues it makes it hard to get motivated for the holidays.  I am going to turn in early and begin getting in the festive spirit first thing tomorrow...Butter tarts would put anyone into a good mood!

Diary of the shrinking fat chick, Chapter 1!

So for as long as I can remember, I have been overweight.  Some of you that know me, know this.  It has never really hindered me from doing anything I have wanted to do, except for wearing that yellow polka dot bikini, and you can thank me later.  Most of my life, I have been on a "diet".  About five years ago, I ended my diet.  I ate from the four food groups, snacked occasionally, exercised, never lost a pound.  If I did lose a pound I gained back 10.  How discouraging is that. Yes, I have heard the snickers, and got the stares.  I have always loved the line, you have such a pretty face.  When I was in school, I had to order my clothes from sears in the biggest size possible, and hoped they were as stylish as everyone else's.  I think I perpetually lived in the colours brown and black, still do.  I have always felt bad when ordering food in a restaurant, I have always be conscientious of what I am wearing, how I look. 

So about a year and a half ago I began this process.  I talked to my doctor about gastric bypass.  He said no right off the mark.  He encouraged me to explore every options. So at that appointment, we went through every weight loss program I had ever been on.  Weight watchers, nutrasystem, tops, vegetarian, slimfast, you name it I have been on it.  He then asked me if I would consider going to a dietitian.  So I did.  I went faithfully for an entire year.  I wrote down everything that entered my body. Would take it in once a month, we would go over it.  She said I was a pretty healthy fat chick.  I felt discouraged, it didn't seem to matter what I did, I couldn't lose weight.  She said she would like to recommend me to Humber River for gastric bypass.

My Doctor agreed, and there I was at my first class.  Listening to the uplifting stories of people who have had the surgery and were successful, and people who weren't successful.  I know approximately eight people who have had the surgery with wonderful results.  I learned a lot about the procedure.  I also learned that it can't considered lightly, it is a drastic change.  So in one week from now I begin the liquid diet I need to do in order to shrink the fat around my liver.  Every week once the procedure is done I am going to be blogging about how I am feeling, how much weight I have lost, etc.

Bikini by the time I am 40? Not too sure...Healthy and active in to my 90's, I sure hope so!!!!!!

The old tea cup...

Thou there are cracks and stains in the cup.  Each tells a story of the life of the cup.  How many times has the cup had the most amazing cup of tea inside. Or heard the problems of the household or the story of a friend. It had shared the good times and the bad times.  Kept us warm and cozy on a cold night.  Nursed us through the worst cold we have ever had, and held the worst tasting neo citran we can find.  Funny thing is that I can't seem to part with this cup.  It is just an old cup, from my home, from my childhood, from her life before I came into it, perhaps from her youth.  I look at the cup and think how old is it exactly, maybe 40 years, or 50.  I think if the cup could talk it could tell a story of so many peoples lives, highs and lows from her life.  If the cup were broken I would be heartbroken. But I would pick up the pieces and go on...Sometimes life seems to make you think....

Christmas is making me crazy!

Planning, baking, decorating! It's the most wonderful time of the year!  I do love the Christmas season, I just can't take the rude people who continually RUDE this time of year! Do we forget the reason for Christmas.  I have to say, I could care less if there was ever one gift under the tree for myself.  I always attract the rudest person in the store, when I do I kill them with kindness.  Parking is the worst! My husband's best friend has a handicapped sticker on his car, and I understand why that guy gets a lot of free lunches at Christmas time! Is it stressful to buy Christmas gift, YES. But who is applying that pressure? We are!  RELAX shoppers! If you don't get the right zuzu pet in the right colour there will be more another day!!!

Extending an olive branch

Sometimes in life an olive branch is extended.  The reasons the branch is extended, if genuine, should not be questions.  Is could be a point of movement in a frustrating situation that could provide the beginning to solution.  As long as the motives are genuine, consider the olive branch.  I think about my life, when my nan died, my grandmother and her brother were estranged for a long period of time.  I loved her dearly, but a grudge she could carry!  At one point after her strokes, she asked to see him.  This could have been the olive branch that everyone had for years hoped would be extended. Through miscommunication, wrong messages were given to my uncle and they never ever did get that opportunity to make a mends.  I realized, after several years, I was the conveyor of this information, information that had been given to me by someone else to pass along when I was vulnerable.  Although, I was just the messenger, I was the one who gave that information.  I have for years felt a sense of guilt. My uncle was extremely angry with me, I was the messenger. But years ago, I remember my grandfather extending an olive branch to both my grandmother and my uncle and neither one of them taking the opportunity to use that olive branch.  Moral of the story, life is to short.  If someone is genuinely extending an olive branch really consider taking the time to snatch up this opportunity, because in the blink of an eye it could be gone!

Do uou remember when...

Sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago. Through out our childhood we have things we remember fondly, and things we would just rather leave behind. One of the best memories of my childhood was our family's traditional holidays. At Christmas time we would move into my Grandparents house for a week. One year I can recall bringing our bunk beds from one house to the other because of Christmas! All the gifts and food. The day would all ways be special, but the preperation of the day was much more! We learned how to make the infamous pies and tarts, the wonderful cookies, knitting at night while watching television. Although the holidays were great, making and planning was what I loved the most. There was always a story that went along with a recipe, or a joke to make you smile. I love Christmas! It makes me remember the people who aren't here with us, but it also makes me happy for the ones that are!

Goodbye little girl...

Today, after months and months of wondering, we finally found out what happened to Tori Stafford.  When all of this happened to this young girl, I became more over protective.  My husband really didn't think it was possible.  I think this story really struck a cord across the nation.  Here was this completely innocent, beautiful child, taken from her family and killed, for no real rhyme or reason.  I have read a few articles online tonight about Tori's death and the trial of Terri-Lynn McClintock.  I am trying not to resort to calling this piece of garbage a drugged out loser, but for some reason my censor button is gone. I can remember back to the time when Tori went missing, the finger pointing, the blame.  I remember being at school, picking up my son and one mother saying "I bet the mother did it, so the father couldn't have access."  Seriously!  I think sometimes our opinons get the best of us, we don't want it to be anyone's fault.  But one of the things that really bothers me to this day, is the guilt Tori's brother feels because he didn't walk his sister home that day.  Honestly, we all battle guilt.  But this child will feel this guilt forever.  I have a soft spot for this kid.  If I could make this go away for him, I would.  I can't, and I have been thinking about how rattled my kids would be if something like this happened to them.  Devestated wouldn't even begin how they would feel.  So, tonight, I am thinking of Daryn Stafford, and hoping with time he can heal. 

Holy Snow!

Ever heard of shackwacky?  That is me this week.  I said on Saturday night, I am hoping for a good ole fashioned snowstorm.  OK, I just meant on Sunday.  Spend the day playing board games, or Christmas baking, I was talking about 3 days with no reprieve!!!! So in the past 3 days, I have baked, played in the snow, shovelled snow, watched the weather channel with bated breath.  But the best thing I did in these 3 days was spend them with my kids.  I am a parent who doesn't send their kids on a snow day.  So needless to say my kids were lucky and stayed home.  My husband, not so lucky!  He worked his day and then came home and gave the snowblower a work out.  Sometimes, in this day and age, we just don't appreciate the time we get to spend with our kids, and then once they are gone off to college or real life, we say we wished we had of did that.  I am going to make the effort to not let those opportunity pass me by.  My family is what life is all about for me.  So bring on the snow, next week or during the holidays!!!

If you don't stick up for yourself, who will?

In my life, I have always stuck up for everyone else.  I hate to see someone get bullied, made fun of, etc.  I guess it brings me back to my back burner blog.  I seem to always back burner myself.  But there are times when you have to put yourself first.  I know in the past I have walked away from situations and let people think what they want.  It is almost letting them win.  But, sometimes in ones life we need to take a stand.  I heard a song on my radio today called STAND.  One of the lines was "when push comes to shove, you show what your made of."  Today was one of those days.  I am willing to say, I am hard working, compassionate person, who deserves the same respect as everyone else.  So, theoritically, if I don't stand up for myself, who will? So I did stand up for myself, I surprized myself.  I think sometimes in life we take what we are handed and are not willing to think outside the box.  So I encourage you, when push comes to shove, will you show what your made of? Take a STAND? I know I am going too...Food for thought...

Get in the shower...NOW!

I am trying to get motivated and get my butt in the shower.  I am heading on a much needed night out.  It takes some motivation for me to get ready, sometimes I think, nahhh I will just stay home.  But once I get ready and get out there, I have an awesome time.  I think anxiety takes over.  When I was younger, I could stay out all night, drink a bottle of vodka, get two hours sleep and go to work. Take Tuesdays off as a liver appreciation day.  Now, if I have 2 diet pepsi's I am living! So tonight I am going to get my arse dressed, my face made up and shake my groove thing!  Anxiety be damned, I am having a good time!

Biting off more then one could chew...

So for the past few weeks we have been planning to move bedrooms around in our home, to make room my sister and her daughter to come and live with us.  We have been procrastinating! So today, we began.  The original plan was one room at a time.  We quickly came to the realization that doesn't work.  In order to make room you have to have them all going at once! Which equals quite a lot of work.  So, it felt like since early this morning, we have worked our little fannies off!  There is still a lot of work to be done, but we will finish it tommorrow.  Before I just would have plowed through and kept going until the wee hours of the morning.  It would bother me my house was in bits.  But not now!  Not sure where the big change came from, but we, in this house, all have a common goal.  Get finished so we can decorate for Christmas!  I think it is a great motivator! I am going to bed a little earlier tonight, so I have the motivation to finish all of my tasks tommorrow :)

Things we were not suppose to post...

Earlier this evening, I began to write a blog on stubborness.  My son interepted, which was good, to spend some time with me.  I watched some tv with him, finished my Christmas cards, enjoyed a diet pepsi.  Perhaps I just wasn't meant to write that blog.  In writing my blog, I am trying to remain positive.  The blog I was planning to write earlier wasn't positive at all.  There was a message thou, it wasn't all bad.  The message was don't let your stubborness rule your life.  Realize everyone has flaws, realize you can only change what you can, and that you can not change everyone else and move forward.  Some of these people won't move forward with you, and that is their loss.  As I kiss my son good night, I realized that there are not a lot of mountains I wouldn't move for him, and that being his parent means accepting his achievements and mistakes (not condoning the big mistakes) and moving forward.  I will always try and remain a positive light for my children.